you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
