man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How does one acquire holy water?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize