I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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