My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
