found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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