I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
