I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
