toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
