you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
