I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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