That's intense
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
