I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
