I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
