is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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