Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
