Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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