But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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