my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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