Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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