Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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