i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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