so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize