life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
