I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
