There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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