He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
