You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
