we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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