I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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