I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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