I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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