you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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