We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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