I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
