The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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