She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
