So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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