your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
