I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
