i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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