Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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