I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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