He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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