If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he was CRYING into my vagina
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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