Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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