we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
A bitchslap is in order.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
