i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
