The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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