you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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