ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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