Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
