$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
