If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
