Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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