Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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