My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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