After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
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you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
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I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.