Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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