We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
the room spins SO much faster in panama
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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