bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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