Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
this is an emotional support booty call
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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