we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
