She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
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Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
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We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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