I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
