I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
