He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
