We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
