I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
