drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
