Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
