Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
