Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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