i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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