He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
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After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
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I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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