Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize