is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My cat gives me a boner
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
