She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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