Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
