I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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